Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

One of my favorite discussion forums is the American Sheepdog Forum, and a recent post by "UGA" was so good that I wanted to share it with you. The specific details are a little different for each of us, but I think everyone can relate to the exhaustion that comes from working hard to "do the right thing" and realizing that our culture doesn’t care about the right thing, anymore.

I want to be a kid again…

I hereby officially declare that I don’t want to be a grown up anymore.

I’m tired of deadlines and bills due by the 1st of the month.

I’m tired of Insurance premiums and cut off notices.

I’m tired of working from sun up to sun down and have so much of my pay go to taxes and people that will not work.

I’m tired of traffic jams and idiot drivers.

I’m tired of crooked politicians and having to read the fine print.

I’m tired of car repairs and dripping faucets.

I’m tired of watching good people that fail to think for themselves, fall victim to slanted news and biased journalism.

I’m tired of rolling out of bed when I really, really, really don’t want to.

I want to look forward to Saturday morning cartoons like the Bugs Bunny and Road Runner Show on a black & white TV. It was actually fun to go outside and turn the antenna on the side of the house so that I could pick up that out-of-town CBS signal.

I want to crawl under the house with my Tonka trucks and play in the dirt, dig holes and play the doodle bug game with the sand bugs.

I want to climb trees and ride my bike until my legs give out.

I want to help He-Man defeat Skeletor.

I want to impress pretty girls on my skateboard again.

I want to go roller skating on Saturday nights in my parachute pants and feel cool.

I want to spend everyday in the woods with my friends building a super cool club house.

But you know what?

Tonight I’ll fall asleep after watching the news about how our country is going down the drain and our freedom is decaying by the day.

Tomorrow morning the alarm clock will sound and I’ll groan as I roll out despite my desire to stay in it.

I’ll climb in my truck and fight the traffic on my way to work, where I’ll put in at least 8 more hours of labor to support those that choose not to.

I’ve had a bad day…

Ok, I’m done…

This reminds me of one of my favorite lesser-known movies, The Adventures of the Wilderness Family. Particularly, the opening scene where Robert Logan is sitting in Los Angeles rush hour traffic, and suddenly realizes that he’s just sick and tired of the rat race.

He actually does something about it, like we all often wish we could, and this movie tells the story of his family.

NOTE: I’ll warn you that this movie is quite poorly produced… my kids would be bored before the opening credits finished rolling, but the story it tells is empowering to those of us who share UGA’s sentiments in the post I quoted above.

Image by kenlefeb via Flickr

Here’s another one of those funny emails that get passed around the Internet… this one was funny enough, to me, that I thought I’d pass it along myself!

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river.
Needing to get to the other side,
The first man prayed:

“God, please give me the strength to cross the river.”

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs
And he was able to swim
Across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
“God, please give me the strength and the tools to cross the river”

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms
And strong legs and he
Was able to row across in about an hour
After almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men,
The third man prayed:
“God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river”

Poof! He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map,
Hiked one
Hundred yards up stream
And walked across the bridge.

GO AHEAD, SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

If at first you don’t succeed, do it the way your wife told you!

Image by kenlefeb via Flickr

This is one of those funny, little emails that have been circulating around the Internet for years… I tried to track down its origins, but gave up when it became quite obvious to me that nobody would be pressing charges for violating a copyright! The only changes I’ve made have been to clean up a few typos, here and there, that were just bothering me!

To The Spoiled Under-30 Crowd!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning….

Uphill… barefoot… BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our tails!  No where was safe!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and the tape would come undone.

We didn’t have fancy crap like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal; that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy caller ID either: when the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, or a collections agent; you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600, with games like “Space Invaders” and “Asteroids”! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!

And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your tail and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats!

And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove… Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,

The Over 30 Crowd

My dad forwarded me this humorous email. While it claims to be true, who can really know with these forwarded emails… regardless, it’s funny!

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU’RE OLD

George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”   He said “No.”  Then they said “All patrols were busy.  You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”  George said, “Okay”  He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and hung up.

Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

(True Story)

Still have questions about the upcoming switch to digital TV? Here’s a quick video to answer all your questions!

My mom sent me this, today…

Here’s a fun rendition of the patriotic classic (thanks to Warner Crocker for pointing this out to me)…

This is hilarious!

If you click on the link, you’ll be taken to this page:

For just Z$1.00 per pixel, you can purchase advertising space on this guy’s website. The proceeds are going toward his college education in Zimbabwe. Keep in mind, though, if you plan to purchase space, that PayPal will charge you an additional Z$20,000,000 fee for the transaction (about 35¢ in U.S. dollars)!

Alejandro S., on FriendFeed, posted a link to a website called Linky & Dinky, with some really funny pictures of pets misbehaving while their owners aren’t watching!

Here are a few of my favorites… to see them all, click through to the original post.

Technology evolves and we devolve!

(from Core77 Design Blog)